A Toast To Election Night!
November 4, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Tonight, we say goodbye to what might be our favorite part of Election 2008: the media circus surrounding it. Indeed, there will be no more cheesy "Decision 2008" graphics, and we'll have to bid a fond farewell to colorful CNN commentators. So we thought we'd send them off with a bang, and thus, the Election Night Drinking game.
Indeed, as college students, we will seize upon any excuse to drink, particularly those which make us look politically aware. So, in the grand tradition of the Presidential Debate drinking game and the annual State of the Union drinking game, we introduce to you the Under The Button Election Night 2008 drinking game. No election-results party would be complete without it.
First, we recommend you arm your friends with both red and blue drinks: after all, unless Florida fucks it up again, this is sure to be a proud day for America. For the red, our suggestions include Red Stripe Lager, Bloody Marys, anything mixed with Hawaiian Punch, or Red Bull and vodka (perhaps not technically red, but a favorite). Blue drinks could be Pabst Blue Ribbon or some kind of blue Kool-aid concoction. Perhaps your best option is be red and blue Jell-o shots. In any event, you'll want to be well-stocked with alcohol for the night, just in case this becomes a clusterfuck that goes on well into tomorrow.
Regardless of what you choose, our recommendations for gameplay are after the jump, guaranteed to provide fun until a winner is declared.
If you're drinking a red drink, you'll be drinking every time a state gets called for McCain. Same goes for blue drinks and Obama.
1. Take a drink every time the camera cuts to a long line at the polls. Drink twice for every state that extends its voting hours because of long polling lines.
2. Drink every time you hear the term "battleground state". Perhaps add to this by having people choose a battleground state to follow; they'll drink every time that state is mentioned (start with Pennsylvania, Virginia, Ohio, and Missouri, then add Indiana, Montana, and Florida if you need more states).
3. If you're watching CNN, take a drink every time "The Best Political Team on Television" is mentioned. If you're not watching CNN, take a drink every time someone suggests switching the channel to CNN.
4. Drink every time you hear the following words or phases: "maverick", "recount", "Joe the Plumber", "Joe Six-Pack", "mandate", "filibuster", "historic" when in reference to Obama, "change", "bipartisan", "too close to call", "Hussein", or "Alaska". Feel free to add your own buzzword suggestions in comments.
5. Drink in honor of fallen candidates every time they are mentioned (Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee).
6. Drink twice if a recount needs to occur in any state. Finish your drink if this state is Florida.
7. Drink twice if a state gets called for a candidate and then is retracted.
8. Drink three times if Florida turns out to be the state that determines our country's future.
9. Finish your drink if Tina Fey is mentioned. We're very hopeful.
10. Drink if Mark Warner wins the Virginia Senate race (because I am a proud Virginian) or if Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) keeps his seat (because there are just some things Obama can't change).
11. And finally, if McCain wins, drink until you pass out, because maybe when you wake up tomorrow, everything will have been a long, elaborate dream.
And feel free to comment with any suggestions of your own--we're always looking for new ways to spice up our Election Night.