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Mail Goggles: A Rant

I have never been so insulted in all my life. OK fine, so maybe I'm overreacting, but gmail and I are officially in a fight. A few weeks ago, when I read about mail goggles, the feature that makes you solve basic math problems before sending an email late at night on weekends, I chuckled at the concept but decided not to enable the feature (texts are more my forte). And yet, somehow, on a night when I forced myself to stay in and study for my massive midterm instead of going out, gmail prevented me from sending an email. To myself. Phew, that was a close call. Thanks, assholes! I couldn't believe the sheer obnoxiousness of making my overstressed, overtired, sick-of-staring-at-a-computer-screen brain solve five math problems, and it didn't help that there was a little clock counting down to the moment I would be stripped of my emailing privileges. With 30 seconds to go, I finally got to work.

The embarrassing part of this story is that I was completely sober, and yet I still failed to solve a basic arithmetic problem. 42-23 is in no way shape or form 17. It's just not. (I so did not deserve that math award I won in high school.) And yet this is the spazzed-out answer I gave gmail, who proceeded to tell me to drink some water and go to bed. The nerve. No, gmail, I think it's time for YOU to drink some water and go to bed. And so's your face. And also, suck it.

But let's face it, I can't stay mad at gmail for long. All I need to do is take one look at that adorable crab scuttling back and forth across my gchat window (V.v.V), and my heart melts. But I've definitely disabled mail goggles this time (I triple checked), so gmail, take heed: don't try to pull a stunt like this again, or even a fluffy three-legged puppy with sad yet hopeful eyes emoticon won't be able to save you.