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Greenpeace: Saving The Earth One Bush At A Time

If you're a regular to the Starbucks on 34th and Walnut (or if you have the misfortune to live across the street at Hill), it's a safe bet that you've been harassed by Greenpeace canvassers. Sure, most of us choose to ignore them, put off by their piercings in places that we honestly didn't think could be pierced. When they get you with that "do you have a minute to save the environment?", we feel intense pangs of guilt as we pretend to be horribly late for an appointment but promise to do our part later. It's rare that we actually stop and chat-- and now that we're in a recession, even rarer that we give up our cash to donate to their cause.

But after hearing the story of a friend, we're convinced that the environmental crusaders have finally found a failproof way to secure our donations. Greenpeace devotees are now essentially prostituting themselves to save the Earth.

This friend (who asked for anonymity after being ridiculed incessantly) noticed that one of the Greenpeace lackeys was kind of cute, and so she stopped to chat with him. And moments later, not only did she give him a $20 pledge, but they exchanged phone numbers, and a promise (practically a firm commitment) to hang out sometime soon.

There you have it. The next time you're feeling lonely, head down to the east end of the walk and stand on the corner. Who knows? With enough furtive glances and the properly-sized billfold, you can solve both your problems and the planet's. Now that's a 2-for-1 special that we can all live with.