Grad Speaker Has Watercolor Blue Eyes, Lots Of Toys, Gummi Bears

Class of 2009, are you wondering just how "innocent" Google C.E.O. and Commencement speaker Eric Schmidt really is? Sure, he might not look like the "Dick Cheney World Domination" type, but how do you know he isn't the incarnation of Big Brother himself? It's entirely possible that Maureen Dowd's column today is just another self-referential New York Times piece about The Death Of Newspapers And All Print Media As We Know It (cue scary music here), but it's just as likely that she's got a point about how creepy Schmidt could be. This is a man who claims "there will be no heroes" anymore. Because obviously Barack Obama can't be a hero since he might have picked his nose in elementary school (Editors' note: This is Schmidt's actual example.) The President, not a hero? Doesn't Schmidt know that man just got his girls a homeless Kennedy puppy?