UTB News Digest: Finals Edition

Finals have been kicking our collective ass, but the news never sleeps.  Here's all the dish you need, in convenient digest form:

• Oh look, Penn is once again the setting for a perfunctory "college graduates can't find jobs" article, this time on NPR.  Especially ridiculous considering the abundant opportunities available on PennLink -- didja know that the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation is hiring Correctional Officers, and you can earn up to $73,000 a Year?  Get those resumes in, people!
• Notice any angry dudes outside Gia today?  The United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners of America is boycotting Gia Pronto because the company is opening another store in Philly and is using a contracter that supposedly pays substandard wages.  Somehow we don't think a whole lot of sorority girls moonlight as construction workers. Unless it's Halloween, in which case: plaid + toolbelt + cutoffs = slutty construction workers.
• This year's College graduation speaker and Penn alum John Legend made the 2009 Time 100, and he's also featured in a video recap of the Time 100 gala.  We wish he would come out with another song, 'cause we're running out of ways to make "Ordinary People" puns.

• McDonald's is turning up the heat on Starbucks with its new, reasonably-priced line of espresso.  Whose side are you on?
• Distrito head chef Jose Garces was the only Philly-based chef to snag a Beard award (the foodie equivalent of the Oscars), the Inky reports.  We think Greek Lady was straight up robbed.
• Uh oh, grad speaker Eric Schmidt and Google are being investigated by the Federal Trade Commision.  It would be pretty awks if he had to video-conference in his speech from jail, no?
• Nickelback still exists, and their new music video (yup, those still exist, too) is set in Philly.  Big ups to 30th Street Station and the Chestnut bridge.
• New York City's famous hipster grifter was arrested right here in Philadelphia, possibly in an absurdly-concocted entrapment scenario.