Most Popular Student In Graduating Class Accepted Early

[Disclaimer: This article was part of our "Joke Day" series... if you couldn't tell by the usage of Comic Sans.] In news that will surprise practically no one at Westfield High, cheerleader, homecoming queen, and overall most popular student Christy Leeman earned herself a place in Penn's class of 2015. Even though early decision verdicts don't get released until tomorrow, staff in the admissions office decided to publicize their decision regarding Leeman earlier than all the rest in order to get on her good side and clinch an invite to her upcoming Yule Dance afterparty.

"The party's gonna be at her dad's lake house, which is supposed to be sick. She wrote her admissions essay about her after-prom, so we've been looking forward to this all year," said Dean of Admissions Eric Furda. "Also, we totally wanted to see if we could lock down a ride there in her new Mazda, because we heard that her dad got it totally tricked out." Added Furda, "He owns, like, 3 dealerships."