It's All Relative: Thanksgivukkah Quotables

Finally you're back on campus, free from the plant-from-Jumanji-like grasp of your mom and dad, who say the darndest things. Lucky for you, UTB staff spent our Thanksgivukkah writing down every adorable/weird/creepy quote from mommas, grandpas and drunk uncles alike. Here they are, for your reading pleasure! Leave your most quotable relatives in the comments.

Dads:

"Time to slice the twerky!" -Dad

Dad: Touch that steak. Now, how does it feel compared to that one? Does it feel more rare? Son: I can’t tell. Dad. You’re worthless.

Moms:

'Tis the season to be jolly, 'tis the season to be popping Molly!" -Mom

"I'm sure she knows something about hookup culture. She does go to Penn." -Mom

"I just can't believe you would do weed." -Mom

Grandparents:

"You can top off my wine glass. No seriously, top it off." -Grandma

"Being around your father makes me get fever blisters. My lips are on fire!" -Grandpa

"I might go on a date with a Native American I met on match.com." -Grandma

Grandpa: You should see the games your Grandmother plays on her xbox. Grandson: She doesn’t have an xbox. It’s called an ipad Grandma: No, I also have an Xbox. An Xbox 360. I play Assassins Creed IV: Black Flag. I kill people.

"If you were a real homemaker you'd take these bones and legs and make turkey soup!" -Grandma

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" - Grandma, to gay grandson

Little kids:

"I'm thankful that we're all humans and not little ants so we don't get squished by a man!" -9 year old cousin

"I'm a broker! I break money!" -6 year old cousin

Literally every person:

"So, what are your post grad plans?"