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The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows (That You Did Over Break)


It's not like you've spent all of break listening to old emo songs on mixtapes you found in your room... No way. Break was really long, and embarrassment is like your favorite onesie: you can wear with shame or you can wear with pride. Take the dominant strategy and own up to your embarrassing break actions.

Here's an inexhaustive list of things you may or may not regret doing over break:

  • Listened to the same Fall Out Boy 50 times on repeat before noticing you weren't using Private Session on Spotify.
  • Made up a story to tell your grandparents when they asked who that cute guy/girl in your tagged photos is.
  • Didn't make an OK Cupid profile because you gotta save that for a really rainy day, ukno?
  • Watched Blackfish, tweeted about it, just like everyone else.
  • Sang loudly to Lite Rock 105 while driving your mom’s minivan.
  • Drove your mom's minivan.
  • Drove your mom's minvan to a sale at KOHL'S.
  • Ran into a high school classmate when you accompanied your parents to the liquor store, and he was all, you're not coming to So-and-so's party? And you were all, who?
  • And they were like, So-and-so! And you were like ...who?
  • Realized that you couldn't even go out to dinner with your parents because your tolerance is so low they now out-drink you.
  • Went out with them anyway and got hammered.
  • Hooked up with your high school boyfriend in his Prius. Had subsequent violent deja vu.
  • Now can't look at a Prius anymore without cringing.
  • Were asleep by 12:09 on New Year's.
  • Ate everything.
  • Made an OK Cupid profile. There, there.