Former Pottruck Employee Cashes In Our Gym Equipment

An anonymous University staff member told the DP that Wagner’s thefts, which occurred over a three-year period, ranged from selling stolen gym equipment on eBay to emptying the wallets people left in gym lockers. Wagner was handcuffed and escorted out of Pottruck in the middle of the day by police.

We have many questions. Stealing gym equipment is difficult, right? The anonymous source said it was unclear how Wagner was transporting the items. Could she have been helped? Is one person capable of pulling off such an elaborate heist for such an extended amount of time? How deep does this conspiracy go? We didn’t come to an Ivy League school to have our state-of-the-art gym equipment get stolen right before our eyes! Is there a lot of money in black market treadmills? Could selling our parents’ old exercise bike make up for the fact that we made no money this summer?

Finally, no DP-article-summary is complete without a look at the comments. The comment section of this piece is especially rich, the best of which is a discussion about whether Penn or Temple has produced more criminals. It’s nice to know that, while treadmills will apparently come and go, people’s passion for writing uninformed and poorly-written personal attacks online will be with us forever.