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(Penn Police Officers: DO NOT READ THIS) The Best Places To Smoke Weed On Campus

Yo, if you haven't heard, Mayor Nutter is slated to sign a bill that'll decriminalize marijuana. The bad news? Penn could give a dusty fuck. Because as this PhillyMag article (ugh) points out, campus administration will be maintaining its disciplinary policies regardless. 

The article also GENEROUSLY reveals all the hip smoking spots that we've been trying to keep secret for years, like the Biopond, which most definitely very few people knew about and it honestly sucks that everyone knows about it now. The article even weirdly hyperlinks to the precise Google Maps coordinates of these places. Anyway, now that our extremely secret smoking spots are public knowledge, it's time to find some new ones. So without further ado about nothing, here's our list of NEW best places to smoak da green on campus. 

1. Directly in front of College Hall, i.e. green on the Green

2. The Rave's "Media Immersion Room"

3. Wawa

4. The Rooftop Lounge cuz, y'know, High Rises

5. In the Jimmy John's stock room

6. Penn Bookstore, Teen Fiction section

7. Inside a Vagelos fume hood

8. Dean Furda's office—get as high as the acceptance rate is low

9. TEP (non-ironically)

10. TEP (ironically)

11. At the bag check desk in Van Pelt

12. Underneath a DRL smoke alarm—everyone will thank you as they evacuate

13. Room 420 at the Inn at Penn

14. In the Singh Center cantilever—they have a high tech ventilation system

15. The Fishbowl in Towne—smoke a bowl in the bowl, y'know?

16. In front of the Love statue, in memory of that hideous smokestack

17. Stoner Courtyard at the Penn Museum—it's literally called that, look it up

18. Pottruck, duh

19. Career Services office

20. The Admissions Office, between January and March

21. Next to a squirrel

22. The Office of MBA Admissions and Financial Aid  in Huntsman

23. Beneath your RA's bed

24. The bulletproof glass booths that quad security guards sit in

25. The secret mole kingdom accessible only via a passage hidden under The Button

DO NOT TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THESE LOCATIONS. Unless you want a PhillyMag article to reveal, or a Penn administrator to be stationed at each and every one of these spots, KEEP THEM SECRET! Spread the word by liking and sharing this article. Okay? Okay.