Ishmam Ahmed
Monday, July 13, 2015Mon, Jul 13, 2015
Something tells us that with a 6 billion dollar budget and not many people around, Penn is definitely up to something. Recent events have us wondering: what else is happening behind our backs over the summer?
Penn affects positive change for the surrounding community without us
They sharpen Irvine's spire
The Quad security guards throw a downtown
Psychological torture
They make the Locust Bridge 2 degrees steeper on either side to see if anyone notices
The Ben Franklin bench is replaced with a fresh one from the warehouse
A-Gut and the Hubbub Coffee guy engage in a steamy summer fling
They upgrade the Quad bathrooms to five-star hotel quality solely for the cockroaches and demolish them back to their typical state before frosh move in
UCA goes on a smashing rampage so we have to pay to fix everything when we get back
A faculty-wide when2meet is sent out for a potluck where profs get together and laugh about their dumbest students from the past year
All this, happening behind our backs!
