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10 Things That Happen Behind Our Backs At Penn During The Summer

Something tells us that with a 6 billion dollar budget and not many people around, Penn is definitely up to something.  Recent events have us wondering: what else is happening behind our backs over the summer?

Penn affects positive change for the surrounding community without us

They sharpen Irvine's spire

The Quad security guards throw a downtown

Psychological torture

They make the Locust Bridge 2 degrees steeper on either side to see if anyone notices

The Ben Franklin bench is replaced with a fresh one from the warehouse

A-Gut and the Hubbub Coffee guy engage in a steamy summer fling

They upgrade the Quad bathrooms to five-star hotel quality solely for the cockroaches and demolish them back to their typical state before frosh move in

UCA goes on a smashing rampage so we have to pay to fix everything when we get back

A faculty-wide when2meet is sent out for a potluck where profs get together and laugh about their dumbest students from the past year

All this, happening behind our backs!