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Penn Defeats Villanova In Historic Win

This is truly what dreams are made of.

Our very own football team defeated VILLAINova for the first time since 1911. While we do not doubt the athletic prowess of our talented football players, we can’t help but imagine what could have caused this historic--nay, iconic-- win.

  • Rumor has it that yesterday’s Papal address was coded with secret prayers for the Quakers.  Don’t believe us? Watch his speech and crack Penn’s Da Van Pelt code all on your own.
  • Beyoncé is currently 34 years old. In 5.48 years, she will be 39.48 years old. The Quakers possessed the ball for 39:48 of the game’s 60 minutes. Coincidence? Probably not.
  • St. Thomas of Villanova’s feast day is on September 22nd, just two days before the big game. Did Villanova's football team eat too much before the big game? Can we really ever know?
  • Whatever the real cause of the win may be, we applaud our hardworking football team on their success! You guys are making Penn athletics more relevant one touchdown at a time. Keep scoring goals! Go sports!