10 Ways To Get Your Roommate To Move Out

Still cuffed to your high school boo? Practice a more European style of hygiene? Afraid of people who aren’t your mother? If so, living in the small, brick prison cell of a Hill dorm with some rando from Bucks County is less than ideal. To subtly take over that extra 10 square feet of space, try out these moves:

1. Start fermenting a lot of cabbage under your bed
2. Regularly host Wiccan seances in your closet
3. Become the BYO spot for Penn for Trump
4. Breed show guinea pigs in your desk drawer
5. Blast Baby by Justin Bieber exactly 112 times per day
6. Buy Jimmy John’s sandwiches in yard lengths, store them under your pillow
7. Pee on all your belongings to show your dominance
8. Howl nightly at the moon
9. Stare intently at your roommate while writing in your journal, when they ask what you are writing, tell them it’s for your secret experiment
10. Move all your possessions one inch per day until your roommate is slowly forced out the door