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Gutmann, Furda, and the Philadelphia Brotherhood of Thieves, Part 3: The Deceit

Under the Button presents Part 3 of our brand-new, after-dark serial feature. Be sure to read Part 1 and Part 2,  and keep up with this exciting tale of friendship, woe, scandal and fisticuffs. 

"Okay -- I'm out," I said to Gutmann and Furda as I turned on my heel and walked out. 

"Wait, no? This isn't how it's supposed to be. Hold on, let me get the guide," muttered DJ Dean-Tastic Furda.

I stood there dumbstruck as the Dean of Admissions and the President of the University of Pennsylvania appeared to consult a guide about the best way to hold undergraduates hostage. 

"What do you mean by any of this? What is going ON today?!" 

"Okay, so basically you're the only person in your class whose application was lost during the admissions process, so we let you in," replied an exasperated President Gutmann. "It's a longstanding, yet little-known practice in the Penn admissions department. Basically what you are is the exception to the rule." She paused. "The exception to the rule in the most successful and promising class that this university has ever seen!!" 

Gutmann seemed to lose herself a bit in the last exclamation, but quickly regained her composure. 

"A few months ago, a band of genuinely terrifying pirates made their way up the Schuylkill River and settled in University City. It's been really concerning for faculty at the schools in the area. Their constant treasure-hunting and high-seas antics are posing a real threat to our day-to-day operation." 

"Wow." I had genuinely no idea. But of course I believed it in an instant, because from the very first second our President started speaking, it was clear that she, of course, was right. Even about shocking, and frankly, anachronistic news about pirates.

"Dylan," Gutmann said, "your hallmate, I believe?" She paused. "They tricked him into joining their ranks. He's the first Penn student to take the Buccaneer's Oath. We need to stop him before he turns others. His decision to join the Scurvy Sailor Crew, as they are known by some, has essentially caused time to stop for all but the chosen three." She looked around. "The chosen three being, well, us." 

"I'm totally in," I said.

Gutmann and Furda looked a bit surprised.

"You're... on board with this? Already? You changed your tune in like 6 seconds. We didn't even explain in any specific detail what is even going on here," said Dean Furda, as he bemusedly scratched his merry head.

"I want to help." I turned towards Dylan. "I want to help him, I want to help the others." I nodded resolutely. "What do you need me to do?"