Gutmann, Furda, and the Philadelphia Brotherhood of Thieves, Part 4: The Deceit
October 20, 2015 at 10:21 pm
"So what do we call ourselves?" I asked President Gutmann and Dean Doo-Wop Furda.
"We are the Philadelphia Brotherhood of Thieves," Gutmann replied solemnly. She opened her arms and gestured towards the vaguely damp walls of the cave. I noticed several glistening stalactites.
"Um why?" I responded.
"Seriously? The name of our organization is the only part of this you're questioning? We literally just told you that time has stopped for everybody in University City except for us. And that a band of pirates has begun to take over the city and that YOU, for some unknown reason, are the only person that can help us -- do you realize how implausible this all is?" Gutmann said in an exasperated tone.
"Okay fine. I like the name, I think it's pretty cool," I quietly conceded.
"AARGH!!" Dylan cried from the chair.
We all jumped. Oh yeah, he's a pirate now. So much for dirty rushing. I thought bitterly. I had hoped he'd take me to a date night at some point.
"So do you have any ideas about how to rehabilitate him?" Furda asked eagerly. Suddenly he was dressed in a purple velvet top hat and a charcoal grey suit coat with tails. "We were thinking tap dance therapy!" he said in a merry tone of voice.
Gutmann shook her head and muttered, "I think YOU were thinking tap dance therapy," under her breath.
Furda looked wounded, and he turned his gaze to the sandy floor.
"Nah. I was actually thinking hypnosis might work," I offered.
At this, they both snapped to attention. Finally some light went back into Amy's eyes, and she once again looked as beautiful as she had the first time I laid eyes on her at Freshmen Convocation.
"You can do hypnosis? You are the Chosen One," whispered Gutmann.
"Yeah I mean I'm currently in a freshman seminar about it. We were literally told during course selection over the summer that we should sign up for a freshman seminar while we have the chance!" I can't believe she doesn't even realize Penn offers a course about hypnosis!
"Do you even realize how exhausting it is to run this University? I barely even remember that undergrads attend Penn at all, much less what classes they take!" Gutmann thundered in return.
Ouch. That one stung a little bit. But in order to retain even a shred of dignity in the face of these two fearsome Penn administrators, I strode confidently towards the chair where Dylan was sitting.
Omg he's so cute. I couldn't help but think as I walked towards him. Ugh, his shoulders are great and his hair just looks so soft. I had to physically shake my head to keep my thoughts on the task at hand.
I reached into my pocket. Thank goodness I remembered to bring my antique brass pocket watch!
I crouched down in front of Dylan and snapped my fingers to get his attention. His deep brown eyes stared into mine as I said, "Dylan? We're going to fix this. Listen carefully."
TO BE CONTINUED...