Homecoming Expectations Versus Reality

You survived Halloweekend (unless you ended up on this list). You finally managed to finish that paper due Wednesday. Now it's time to day-drink liters of Natty while pretending you understand football. Your expectations for your Homecoming Weekend might be high, but here is how you will likely be spending the weekend:

1. You think you are going to hook up with that cute guy in your recitation...but you end up hooking with his dad (C '84).
2. You think it's going to fucking snow...and it literally snows.
3. You think you are going to darty all day...and you vomit at 2 PM.
4. You think you will go to the football game...and you actually go.
5. You plan on taking cute tailgating pics like your friends at Michigan...but you spend the whole day studying in VP.
6. You plan on going to Smokes...but it's so crowded you turn into Flat Stanley.
7. You finally forget about that CIS110 midterm...and then you see your TA.
8. You plan to darty hop...and you get cited one hour after stepping outside the first backyard.
9. You plan on finally understanding football...but you realize you are a European arsonist. 
10. You find a cute alum...but then cross-paths with your ex.