Zebras On The Loose In West Philly Coming To Wreak Havoc On Penn's Campus

At least one zebra is still possibly on the loose in West Philly, galloping through the streets after it escaped a circus on 52nd street. In this state of emergency, we must prepare for what the zebra will potentially do when it reaches campus.

1. Zebra will lay on College Green cause it's a pretty freaking glorious day.

2. Zebra will break into VP, run around Rosengarten for a bit, and then escape with a library book. VP bag checkers will not notice. 

3. Zebra will commit armed robbery around 41st and Locust and we will finally get an interesting UPenn Campus Alert text. 

Please take all appropriate precautions and prepare to add this to your Snapchat story.