The Rooster Party Is The Freshman Political Party We Don't Need, Or Want
September 12, 2016 at 4:44 pm
A new freshman political party has entered the fray here at Penn, and of course they went to brunch.
Being on Class Board means big responsibilities but, if his ridiculously oversized clothing is any indication, the kid on the left (candidate for Vice President of External Affairs) should be able to handle extra, extra large responsibilities on his small-to-medium shoulders just fine. We're not going to share their names, but they're easily accessible on the Facebook page.
Speaking of names, "Rooster Party"? Is that a classic reference to the dual meanings of "cock," another word for a rooster and for a penis? We're loving it, because cocks seem to make natural politicians.
The party checks all the important boxes. They have a girl who looks kinda like Kendall Jenner and knows it; a No-Iron-Dress-Shirt-Tucked-Into-Khakis-Doing-the-Finger-Gun Guy; a dude who squats in pictures so we can't see that he has tiny, infant-sized feet despite his normal-sized body; and a couple of Blazer Boys (trademark pending).
For all we know, despite appearances, this party could be a great choice at the ballots. The finger gun, seeming to point at nothing in the photo, could very well be pointing towards progress, equality, a future without pain or suffering.
We have no idea what their platform is, because it's either unavailable or not super easy to find. All we know is that these kids won't be friends by sophomore year. Best of luck, Rooster Party. If you win, we were rooting for you all along.