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51 Ways To Make An Impression As A Freshman

Tired of being overlooked or ignored because you're a freshman, or just because you're boring? Here's a few easy ways to change that, and get the attention that you deserve (and crave)! You'll thank us later.

  1. Show up to THEOS rush uninvited, ask if you can use their restroom

  2. Film every lecture on your iPad

  3. Answer every question in recitation, especially if you don't know the answer

  4. Post in the Class of 2020 Facebook page announcing that you eat ass

  5. Go to Wild Wednesdays

  6. Wear all black and pretend you're French, even though you're French Canadian

  7. Find a way to bring up your SAT scores every time you meet somebody

  8. ACT scores work too if the SAT was just so not your thing

  9. Poop on the floor of your Quad bathroom

  10. Poop in a Gregory laundry machine

  11. Join Under The Button

  12. Talk endlessly about how much you loved the pre-orientation program you attended, and hated

  13. Walk around your dorm naked until administration is forced to write a hall wide email begging you to stop

  14. Forget your maid didn’t come to college with you, lose half your wardrobe to mildew

  15. Suck the Benjamin Franklin bench’s dick

  16. Suck Bill Clinton’s dick

  17. Suck your own dick

  18. End poverty

  19. Dress like Soulja Boy in 2008

  20. Be a racist asshole to the point that people just know you as "The Racist Asshole"

  21. Do drugs

  22. Rush Oz

  23. Remark that in the Canadian smartphone market, Blackberry has 8.9% market share

  24. Announce loudly in all your classes that you can’t read an analog clock

  25. Wear a Ben Franklin costume to your ECON 001 recitation

  26. Become a meme

  27. Do a kick-flip

  28. Get drunk and end up in Brooklyn

  29. Apply deodorant during class and offer it to your classmates

  30. Find Hillary’s emails

  31. Know what Aleppo is

  32. Recycle

  33. Remind everyone that Dick Cheney straight-up just shot a guy

  34. Go to Brunch

  35. Listen to Wu-Tang and make sure everyone knows

  36. Bring an expensive car to school and never drive it, but keep the keys on your keychain at all times

  37. Write for The Statesman

  38. Stand on the compass and yell for the Warriors to come out and play

  39. Build a hammock out of Penn lanyards in your room and go to the hospital after you find out that it can't support your weight the hard way

  40. Join an a capella group that specializes in cultural appropriation

  41. Make references to the little-known Barbary Wars between the US and North African pirate states

  42. Gentrify West Philadelphia

  43. Go to Hillel and share your hot take on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict with the kitchen staff

  44. Seize the means of production

  45. Overthrow the bourgeoisie

  46. Update Adobe Reader

  47. Bring a pet bird to school and spend all your time chasing it through the halls of New College House

  48. End every night at the Rhythm Room

  49. Try to use your dining dollars at Boston Market

  50. High key participate in OCR

  51. Transfer