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Coolest Archdiocese Ever? Junior Able to Drunkenly Eat Cheesesteaks on Friday

Credit: Alessandro Consuelos

If only all dioceses could be this awesome.

This year, St. Patrick's Day falls on a Friday, which came as quite a shock to Wharton junior Robby McDaniels, who planned on getting plastered and chowing on a cheesesteak at 3:30 in the afternoon. Normally, this would be an impossibility, as one should abstain from eating meat on Fridays during the liturgical season of Lent.

But then, as always, the Catholic Church came to the rescue. The Archdiocese of Philadelphia has decided to exempt its parishioners from their usual Lenten obligations this Friday due to St. Patrick's Day. This came as an extreme relief to McDaniels. "I was beside myself before the diocese made the decision," he told UTB. "It's St. Patty's Day, of course I'm gonna get stupid drunk and stumble into a Wawa. The problem is, what am I gonna order if I have to abstain from meat?"

He had initially weighed his options at other establishments. A Filet-O-Fish was leading the pack. "I'm going to be drunk, but not nearly drunk enough to order a salad for lunch. Or a soup. Soup isn't a meal," he explained. 

In the end, it ended up alright for McDaniels. "Man, the Catholic Church really did me a solid this time around. Maybe I'll go to Mass more than just Christmas, Easter, and when I'm home and my parents force me to."