Bathroom Review: Wawa
October 13, 2017 at 1:30 am
-Hey, can I use your bathroom?
-Are you a customer?
-Yes. But not a paying customer. I just stole a coffee.
-Sir, you’re going to have to pay for that coffee.
-I’ll give you a dollar if you let me keep this coffee and also let me use the shitter.
-Yes, that is how being a customer here works.
-Thank you, my dear man, for leading me to thy porcelain throne. I shall give you two shillings as a token of my appreciation.
-Why are you speaking like that?
-Sorry, I have no idea. I guess I’m nervous. I haven’t been in a bathroom since my son nearly drowned in an ocean of urine.
-I’m sorry to hear that. That’s how my uncle died. Want me to accompany you?
-Will you sing the bathroom song to me?
-Everything’s automatic here. This toilet’s flushed four times already just because I twitch constantly. Hey, what does this button do?
-Trust me, you do not want to know. Please do not—
-I had to.
-Jesus Christ! There’s a dungeon in this Wawa?
-There’s a dungeon in every Wawa.
-People steal our pre-peeled hard boiled eggs, we don’t want to wait for the police to come, yadda yadda yadda…
-So you pack them into this cellar? They’re all naked and visibly malnourished!
-Yeah, the prison manager quit a few months ago.
Recap: The employee I met at Wawa was very kind to me and had the voice of an angel. 73 points.