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Valuable Experience: Wharton Senior Venmo Charges 30 People $1.37 After BYO


Public Domain

According to his Facebook profile, Harrison Kelly will be graduating from The Wharton School in 2018, and is studying —sorry, concentrating in— both Accounting and Finance. Looking through his photos, Kelly appears to love wearing pastels and walking East of 36th Street. He seems happy, but he's hiding a dark secret. It's, like, October 14th, and Kelly doesn't have a full-time banking job lined up already.

This past Thursday, Kelly attempted to drown his sorrows at the Penn Sock Puppet public interest group BYO, and brought a sick 4L box of Sunset Blush for all to enjoy. Then, he realized that he totally had an opportunity to boost his resum√©. While everyone was getting wine-drunk and debating the merits of wool vs. polyester, Kelly slyly venmo-charged each of the 30 club-members $1.37.

"Aha, now I can just write down 'has day-to-day experience managing multiple financial transactions', and I'm all set," Kelly said, before puking in an anonymous trashcan.

UPDATE: Reportedly, a Goldman Sachs associate picked up on the story and immediately reached out to Kelly with a job offer.