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Professor Just Barely Cranks out Exam in Coffee-Fueled All-Nighter


Photo by Sugar Pond / CC-BY-SA-2.0

Just in time! Dr. Wallon Bradley finished making his CHEM101 midterm exam this weekend in an all-night amphetamine- and caffeine-fueled stupor, according to sources in the Chemistry building.

Professor Bradley reportedly stumbled out of his office early this morning, downing his sixth cup of cold brew with a crushed up pill on the tip of his nose, just to get to the printer and wearily make copies of the test.

Red-eyed and exhausted, sources close to Bradley report that he finally made his way back to his Chestnut Street apartment where he crawled into his bed to get one hour of sleep before handing out the big midterm test this morning. He couldn’t even fall asleep, though — according to his wife, he just stared at the ceiling and recited the elements of the periodic table over and over again.

The test did not go well. Students complained it was too long and rife with typos. No one appears to have finished. Bradley read the angry emails his students sent him, completely re-evaluating his life. He swore that for the next midterm he would start preparing at least a week early. Little did he know that, due to his poor planning skills and misplaced priorities, the exact same thing would happen for Midterm 2. Regardless, he promised to at least shape up for the final or, if all else fails, just to beg students for a good evaluation at the end of the year.