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Innovative! This Girl Uses Google Calendar to Manage Her Dick Appointments


Photo by James Morrison / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Jessie Rodgers is a busy, busy gal with a lot on her plate: classes, homework, a job, a social life, and of course, her many, many dick appointments. 

“What can I say?” remarked Rodgers. “I’m a modern woman, and the modern woman is a carnivore, plain and simple. We need a helluva lot of meat to survive.”

And yet, with the hustle and bustle of life on a modern, elite college campus, Rodger found that it was getting a bit difficult to pick times to set up appointments with all of her many boy toys. “That’s where Google Calendar came in,” Jessie enthusiastically explained. “It truly is the app for the woman of today.” 

With its simple yet sleek layout, Rodgers found that Calendar was both easy to use and appealing to look at. Not only that, but thanks to its integration with Google’s suite of sister platforms (including Google Docs and Gmail) it has never been easier to coordinate who’s getting dicked down when. 

“The power of organization should never be underestimated,” added Rodgers. “I’ve always wanted to have a threesome, but because of logistics, it just wasn’t going to happen. But now, with G-Cal? I’m pleased to announce that I have not only had a threesome, but also a foursome, and that I have full-blown schedule in the works for next month.” 

Google Calendar’s various other features have proven to be lifesavers for Rodgers too. “I really love the fact that the calendar has an option to add notes to your events. It helps me remember all the little details that can really grease the wheels of any encounter and turn something good into something great. For example, being reminded to bring some handcuffs and rope for Richard is a lifesaver, and remembering that I need to get all the calluses off my feet before seeing Javier is just as important.” 

Even with non-fucking-related events, Google Calendar is a helpful way to organize your schedule. “With the amount of man meat on my plate, you might think that I’m at a major risk for STD’s. Google Calendar helps with that too — I can slide STD testing in immediately after getting railed. By optimizing my dick appointments, I not only have an incredible amount of sex but also have enough time to call dad at seven.” 

“I need Google Calendar because I need a lot of boys,” concludes Rodgers. “In college I’m lucky if I find a boy who can last longer than two minutes, so I gotta pile ‘em up so that, by the end of it, maybe I’ll get my rocks off. Is it a lot of work to schedule all of this? Yes. But do I have a deep, shameful biological drive strong enough to force me to do horrible things? Also yes.”