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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will Brad Fuck Your Girlfriend at Fling?


Photo by Martin Strachoň / Wikimedia Commons

“Hey babe!!!!!!!,” you text Jessica. “Wanna get tix for a downtown this weekend?”

24 hours later, Jessica’s reply is dripping with disgust. “Ugh, why? Also, it's not like you can get tickets to any of the fun ones.”

God, you love it when she treats you like the little bitch that you are. “Ohhh, haha yeah,” you text back. “But uhh what if i got us tix to Pool Party or Magic Gardens?” You press send, but without any means of getting two of either ticket. You’re a poor boy and no one likes you, so it’s not like you can hit anyone up. You are a desperate, desperate individual and it shows. 

Jessica can smell the desperation even over text, and, in an act of mercy, she replies six hours later, “Yea, sure I guess if u can get the tix.”

“Haha yeah, I’ll get them no prob,” you text back, not at all lying. 

A: Dedicate the soul of your firstborn to Beelzebub for two Magic Gardens tickets

B: Sell two teeth and a kidney on the Black Market to get Pool Party tickets