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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will Brad Fuck Your Girlfriend at Fling?


Photo from the Drug Enforcement Administration / CC0

It’s the only food you’re likely gonna get for a while, so you decide to pop it in your mouth and let it melt on your tongue to really let it last. For some inexplicable reason, you start to feel absolutely euphoric. You feel like you’re on top of a mountain and at last can see everything clearly — as it was meant to be seen. Everything is just one Big Love. Everyone Loves Everyone. You love Life, you love Jessica, and fucking hell, you even love Brad. 

You decide that it’s important to share this revelation with the two of them, who have started dancing with each other in the middle of the venue. You almost cry because they look so beautiful together. You walk over to the two of them and embrace them both in a giant hug. The moment’s so beautiful that it’s too much for you — you start sobbing tears of absolute joy. 

Brad and Jessica look at you with a mixture of concern and revulsion. Brad, always the gentleman, politely asks, “Bruh, what the FUCK’s your problem?” 

A: "I love you, Brad"

B: “I love you, Jessica”