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In Preparation for Upcoming Midterm, Orgo Students Engage in Rod and Ball Play


Photo by Ben im Garten / Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0

The second midterm for Chem 241 will take place in the next two weeks, and already Orgo students are bracing themselves for what will surely prove to be a rough ride. 

In preparation, these students are going all-in for some sadomasochistic studying. Everywhere from VP to the Highrise Sky Lounges, Orgo students can be found playing with their rod and balls, trying new positions and configurations. “I haven’t played with my rod and balls this semester as much as I am now,” confessed Stewart Levin (C '22). “My friends say that I really need to take a break, but at this point, it’s a compulsion. If my hands aren’t fiddling with a shaft or two at all times, why, I just start shaking uncontrollably.” 

Serene Khatri (E '22) has similarly been indulging in heavy play. “I usually love some good ball play, but now that it’s almost every hour of every day, I’m starting to get a little tired of it. A girl can only yank so many rods and fondle so many balls before she wishes that she could move on with her life and just be a doctor already.” 

Omar Amari (C '21), who currently holds the highest grade average for the class, disagrees. “I’m always down to whip out my rod and balls for some fun,” he explained excitedly. “Especially if you get a group of people together. A lot of people say that they can’t focus if there’s more than one other person, but personally I like to engage with a lot of moving parts and partners. In fact, I’ve participated in so many orgies that regular sex just doesn’t do it for me — oh, my Orgo study habits? Yeah, I don’t have any. You’re fucked either way.”