Letter from the Editor: We’re Still Here, Fuckers
Photo (with edits by Elias Rappaport) by James Morrison / The Daily Pennsylvanian; Photos by CDC/Alissa Eckert / CC0
March 13, 2020 at 2:00 pm
Oh, you little piss babies thought we were done? Thought a wittle itty bitty teeny tiny virus would put us out of business? Fat chance, fuckers — our doors are staying wide the fuck open. A global pandemic might take down the University of Pennsylvania, but it will not take down its favorite humor publication (and really, just favorite publication in general — sorry not sorry The Daily Pennsylvanian).
Much to this entire campus’s delight, it’ll be business as usual for Under the Button. We’re not halting production — in fact, articles are going to be flying off the presses. If the university’s going to take away the Penn community’s physical space, so be it — we’re taking it online, and we’re taking all of you little shits with us. Our writers are going to be working day and night, from within quarantine and without, to make sure that our job prospects are as dismal as possible and our parents disown us as quickly as possible. You’re all welcome in advance for flooding your Facebook feed with expletives, American Girl Dolls, and flaming hot takes that will maybe make you not hate us. After all, who else is going to knock the DP down a peg when they get ahead of themselves? Who’s going to pop Mask and Wig’s ego? Who’s going to write relatively innocent articles about certain Australian professors and almost get sued for it? The answer is us, us and us.
That is all to say: the world might be on fire, but we’ve brought the popcorn. While all of us navigate the myriad of new issues that arise with online coursework (not to mention those that come with living during the onset of the apocalypse), UTB will be right there with you. We’re bringing the whole damn circus and you will enjoy it, you will like it on Facebook, and you will actually click on the article and not just laugh at the headline. In brief, our normal production schedule will resume Monday and you will eat this shit up.
See you all in quarantine!