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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by James Morrison / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Addie’s face crumples into a pout. “Am I really that ugly?” they ask. They start to sniffle a little. “Quarantine has been making me feel not at all like myself, so I put on makeup this morning to cheer myself up, and… and even with it… my face is just that bad…”

“No no no!” you cry aghast. “I’m just saying that it’s a little weird for me to tell you that since we’re related and everything. I think you look very nice. In an objective, non-creepy way.”

Addie glowers at you. They are not appeased. “If you don’t tell me that I’m sexy right now,” they declare, seizing the box of triscuits as their sacrificial victim, “then I’m going to throw these disgusting little wheat squares in the trash where they belong.”

Your heart freezes. The triscuits are your only form of quarantine subsistence. You’ll starve without them. You must act now.

 Wrestle Addie for the box of triscuits.

 Tell Addie that they’re sexy.