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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by DominÖ / CC BY-SA 2.0

You start to weep pitifully, heavy sobs wracking your entire body. Pathetic. Where are those very large sexual organs now, huh? You wish you could say that this is all just an act, but easily 80% of this performance stems from genuine hysteria. 

Luckily for you, Cousin Addie absolutely adores blubbering babies like you. It really revs their engines. Really stokes the fires of their passion. “You know,” says Cousin Addie from behind the barrel of their gun, “you look pretty cute when you cry like that.”

You wipe the tears from your face and sniffle. “You really mean that?” you ask. 

“I do,” they say, lowering their gun. “You’re a gun-toting conservative. I respect that. I really do. How about we put our guns aside and knock boots instead?”

This situation has gone a full 180 and you’re not entirely displeased. Cousin Addie crosses the room and holds your face. “Can I put my glock in your barrel?” you ask meekly, looking up at them.

“I thought you’d never ask,” they say.

Uh oh! Asserting your Second Amendment Rights awakened long-buried sexual feelings for Cousin Addie that you promptly acted on!

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