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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by Damian Morys / CC BY 2.0

Desperate times call for desperate measures, but you didn’t think getting run over by a car would be quite as painful as it turned out to be. Several of your bones are broken, and you lie on the street dazed.  Your frame was so soft and minuscule that the driver who hit you hardly noticed that they hit anything at all and kept driving. 

Addie, however, has very much noticed. Their hands cover their mouth, hardly muting their piercing screams. “Oh! Oh my God!” gasps Addie from the sidewalk, looking at the grotesque arrangement of your limbs. This display of shock continues for several minutes while you writhe and groan on the street. 

“... help…” you rasp desperately. 

Addie is roused to action. “Oh! Oh! Oh! I didn’t think your wittle limbs were so fragile!” Instead of casting around for help, Addie casts around their mind for ideas. Meanwhile, you are just on this side of consciousness and quickly slipping away. Addie notices this. “Oh cousin, it looks like you need some CPR! Oh, who will ever put their lips on yours and breathe life back into you with true love’s first kiss?” They pause for dramatic effect. 

“I volunteer!” they declare. The last sensation you have on this mortal plane is the feeling of Addie’s lips on yours.

 Uh oh! You kissed your cousin, died, and traumatized your cousin for life (though they always keep your ashes on their fireplace)! 

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