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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by DominÖ / CC BY-SA 2.0

With a Herculean effort, you are able to stave off Satanic control long over to race back over to the wall, rip off the router, and chuck it at your cousin with as much force as you can muster. It hits Addie square on the face and they collapse on the floor like the little bitch that they are.

“Hell yeah!” you cry triumphantly, feeling the Infernal influences exiting you. “That’s what you get for trying to bring Satan into the house! And for being naked!”

Addie stirs on the ground. Mechanically they sit up. They open their eyes, and two black voids stare back at you. “HOW DARE YOU!” roars Satan from your cousin’s throat. 

“Oh,” you say quietly. 

Satan rouses himself from the floor. Your cousin’s face is painted with rage. “IF YOU WILL NOT GIVE ME THE FLESH THAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE,” he booms, “I WILL TAKE IT.” Satan pushes you up against the wall. “PUCKER UP.” 

Your mouth, open and slack-jawed with surprise, is suddenly filled with your cousin Addie’s tongue. As you feel Satan slowly renew his invasion of your body and smote your consciousness, your last blinking thought is Damn… who knew Addie was so good at Frenching? 

Uh oh! Satan smooched you with your cousin’s body!

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