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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by Stock Catalogue / CC BY 2.0

Addie says nothing. They look down at their clasped hands. Tears begin to dribble from their eyes. Tiny sniffles wrack your cousin’s tiny little body. “I’m sorry,” they whisper. “I know it was wrong of me to ask. It’s a crime against nature, after all. I’m just… so scared… and anxious all the time… and I just really want a hug… and also I’m soooooooooo fucking horny…”

“Well Addie,” you say, “We aren’t getting out of quarantine anytime soon, so you better boot up, bitch.” And with that, you gently shove them off of your bed. Addie doesn’t resist you, but pathetically topples onto the floor and assumes the fetal position, sucking their thumb. You ignore them and reopen your laptop, plugging in your headphones. You have another season of New Girl to watch today if you want to keep up your pace of four seasons a week. 

 Congratulations! You emotionally devastated your cousin but you did NOT fuck them! 

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