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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by Emily Allen / CC BY 2.0

Abandoning your barricade of the basement you make a bolt for the front door. The angry silhouette of Addie takes your place at the basement threshold. Tables are upended and couches are vaulted over in your mad dash. You throw open the front door to the outside world, and your lungs happily breathe the fresh air. “HELP!” you scream to the wind as you pelt down the street. Addie, unabashed, keeps close behind, the sunlight gleaming eagerly on their scissors. 

Just as you think you’re leaving Addie behind you, you trip on a crack in the sidewalk and tumble to the ground. “AHA!”Addie cries triumphantly, their weight anchoring you to the ground. You twist and squirm but to no avail. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long…” Addie purs, caressing your face with the back of their hand. 

Addie mercilessly grabs the front of your hairline. With the precision of a surgeon they carefully snip your hair while you sob uncontrollably beneath them. Gently brushing the cut hair from your face, they whisper reverently, “Bangs… bangs… bangs…” as you gently moan.

They roll off of you. “There!” they say cheerily. “I told you that you would look so much better with bangs! I’m really so glad that you gave me the opportunity to experiment on you.”

Nauseously, you open your phone camera. What you see staring back at you is a fugly bitch with bangs. You stifle a sob. “How… how could you?” you whimper.

“Stop that!” Addie says brightly. “You just look so cute now!”

Uh oh! You didn’t fuck your cousin but you have bangs now and that’s almost as bad.  

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