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BREAKING! Alum Abruptly Leaves Homecoming Darty to Take a "Work Call," Makes Sure You Know This


Wowwwwww. Wow. 

So that just happened. Here to announce that one randomista alumna needed to step away from the darty for a quick sec.

"Sh***************************************************************************************t-uhh. I have got to take this! We've been waiting for this private room to open up at Lucien since They Did Surgery on a Grape. I have got go book it." 

She runs off, but not without maintaining intense eye contact with you as she does so. 

So sad, you think to yourself, but so freaking real. It's a shame.This effing darty was giving Limerent and True vibrations. She seemed so nurtured by the pleasure of it all until duty called her. This must be what it means to have graduated, to have moved to Manhattan, to become a little bit further from Penn and a little bit closer to God. 

What is a "work call?" What are its constitutive elements? Can it be that the underlying, unifying one of our monistic systems has been the avaricious, power-seeking, organizing, self-same self?What is Lucien? 

You watch the fertile alumna beeline toward an opening on the elevated surface. She hauls ass as she climbs atop it, the phone pinched between her ear and shoulder. She ceremoniously mouths at you: so sorry bebe. Be off sooooon. 

Te amo chicaaaaa, you mouth back. Air kissy lips. Heart sign hands. 

Who was this girl you might ask?

She was none other than William Henry Harrison AKA Old Tippecanoe, the 9th President of the United States. Now what