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BuzzFeed's got one more list to distract us from our studying/snacking and complaining about studying/snacking on Twitter (same thing). But this time it's not the world's cutest puppies or creepiest things written on bathroom stalls! It's a perceptual map of the sexiest, smartest colleges in the country, and Penn kind of kicked the curve's ass.
Everyone needs a little pick-me-up to take the edge off of finals week. We encourage it! Late night insomnia delivery, venti NON-skinny latte, go crazy. Looks like someone took it a little too far today in a Van Pelt bathroom and got down in between review sessions, leaving their (large) container of lube behind. At least they had the courtesy not to relieve their stress in the stacks? Just know that this is NOT what we meant when we said Rosenparty. And if you're into that, some suggested material...
Fact of Penn life: if you make eye contact with anyone on Locust, you're getting a flyer stuffed in your hand. At least you have a good supply of emergency notepads/paper planes/places to throw your gum? Luckily some of us actually read the flyers for you. All we have to say is GET YO EARS AND STOMACHS READY. International Relations Student Association BYO Crawl Meet up at Saxby's Coffee then Indian food? Bad combination. Counterparts Spring Show: "He Doesn't Even Go Here!" Support Counterparts! Mean Girls references galore You know you love them. Penn Day of Silence Lambda Alliance Bring an end to the violence Friday 12 to 3. Penn Monologues Spring Show Tickets on the Walk Thursday and Saturday night No vagina suits Tie Dye for Tots Trippy-colored shirts Proceeds for cancer research Purchase or donate! 3rd Annual Sigma Kappa Wing Bowl Saturday at 3 Teams of 5; eat 'til you drop You had me at "wings." Keynotes A Cappella Presents: A Midspring Night's Dream MIKA and Adele? Don't get the Shakespeare reference... Sounds fun anyway.
The Made in America music festival is making its second annual appearance this Labor Day weekend. The lineup was just announced today, and we have one word for you: BEYONCÉ. So there you go, kids. If you're still bitter about Girl Talk by August, you can bow down to the mother of all Fling headliners we never had.
Forget all this nonsense about quad performers and Fling headliners-- UTB's got the scoop on what you've really been waiting for: next year's academic theme. Penn has announced that this coming year will be the Year of Sound.
Some Penn students are super stoked that Tyga found time out of his busy schedule of slappin’ hoes and gettin’ faded to make our sweaty frat basement dreams a reality. From the ensuing Facebook group, flyer campaign, and multiple editorials, it’s no secret that others aren’t so stoked.
Ever heard of Nara Japanese Restaurant? Nah, we haven’t either. A Penn grad was recently unlucky enough to drop into that creepy, semi-hidden staircase tucked by the arcade on Spruce and found this squirmy gem on her white fish. Apparently, the server claimed it was just a normal product of the fish being “fresh.” Really? What a relief. We can only hope our slightly suspicious Rainbow Rolls from Houston are that fresh.
The fire alarm just went off during the president's alumni dinner soiree, sending dozens of confused former Quakers out to the College Green. No, it wasn't A-Gutt heating up the room with her golden locks. This photo and our super secret (somewhat fictional) sources tell us it was the sneaky Penn Quaker that set off the alarm in a thinly veiled attempt to steal the presidency. Yeah, he's just as creepy as he looks.
Allegro has been defiled beyond recognition. Either that or their sign was just taken down for some regular maintenance. Luckily, the guy who answered the phone confirmed it's the latter. We're just glad it's back. That sign is a neon beacon of hope and cheesy goodness for hundreds of stumbling, partied out Quakers every weekend. Irreplaceable.
After the first week of freshman year, the omg-I-go-to-a-school-where-nobel-laureates-hang-with-students-on-Tuesday-nights reaction kind of wears off. Vice President Biden speaking at commencement? Old news. Zach Braff coming on the 25th? Casual. So we don’t even blame you that much for being all, “Who’s that?” when you hear that Demetri Martin is Penning it up next week.
As soon as that last Friday recitation is over, thousands of eager Penn students disperse around the world, or at least the tri-state area. Where oh where have all the Quakers gone? Chances are they're at one of these places: Their roommate’s lab partner’s best friend’s house in Miami At all times on Penn’s campus, you are one degree of separation from someone with a house in Miami. It’s true-- admissions worked it out that way so we can all mooch have a great Spring Break! Cabo/Cancun/somewhere in Mexico OMG, we need an airport Facebook pic STAT because half of the people getting on this plane are from Penn! Like, what are the odds? And who cares if you don’t know the language. You only need to know one word: moe-HEE-toe. Home, where the cats are Honey, we bought this plane ticket so you can come home and be with your family-- which means scarfing various home-cooked foods, avoiding relatives, feeling painfully high school, and brainstorming bitter tweets. A remote village to build a house, or something We get it. We suck and you and your ASB are awesome. Have fun sleeping on the floor and not being able to text for a week. College road trip 2K13 It’s like first semester senior year all over again: meeting old friends and high school acquaintances to experience life on someone else’s college green. This time, though, you don’t have to suck up to any admissions counselors. Sounds fun… again, have fun sleeping on someone’s floor. New York. Again. It’s really cool living so close to the city that never sleeps, and all, but after the fiftieth time it kind of loses the allure.
You’re done. Visions of bro tanks and plastic cup margaritas dancing in your head, you step out of your very last midterm and into the sunlight—But wait: you have ONE more assignment to do during your week of crazy debauchery in Mexi-cabo-iami: submit your craziest Spring Break texts anonymously to 34th Street!
There are few scientific laws as foolproof as this: for every bored Penn student sitting in Van Pelt “studying” for midterms, there is exactly one ridiculous but slightly addictive Penn _____ Facebook page flooding our news feeds. Penn Compliments and Admirers keep us updated about which Quakers’ smiles like TOTALLY light up Locust (still waiting for our post, by the way). Penn Secrets and now Hookups remind us that no matter how large and diverse the student body is, we’re all equally depraved and also huge jerks to our roommates.
We’re all just happy the days of “heyyy, sexy ladayyy” are over.
If you’re stressing about that exam tomorrow or paper due in a few days, don’t. With all those equations and dates and principles to memorize, it may seem like your brain is on fire! We're here to tell you that things can always be worse. Your brain could actually be on fire.
Celebrities: they're just like us. When she's not busy ruling the world/being fabulous/rubbing elbows with the equally fabulous, Amy Gutmann takes time to hang with mere muggles! Pictured here is A-Gutt taking her three adorable dogs for a walk down Locust this past weekend. Sporting a bright, white coat and some kickin' running shoes, Amy proves that it is possible to look totally chic carrying a Pooper-Scooper.
There’s nothing more fascinating than observing a wild beast in its natural habitat, so UTB infiltrated the Penn 2016 Facebook group to see what the kiddies are up to.
We all try to keep our Facebooks as PC as possible, but everyone lets a tagged photo or liked link fall through the cracks every now and then. Lucky for us, while the minds of some participants at last weekend’s PennApps were in the gutter, others were more focused on cleaning the gutter out.
As the self-proclaimed “social ivy,” Penn is obviously no stranger to sex. As the host of one of the largest intercollegiate hackathons in the world, Penn is also no stranger to computer programming. Combine the two, though, and what you get is a whole world of skeeviness. Last weekend, a University of Michigan sophomore convened on our campus with hundreds of the nation’s brightest to design the next big app. His product? A private social network called “Playbook” that lets people “communicate what they wouldn’t over Facebook.” In other words, it’s Rate My Professor for bros who like to kiss and tell. The creepy techie admitted he's--gasp!--a virgin. To make things worse, his mother is upset about the app. Go back to Ann Arbor!
Ask any self-respecting Penn student for their worst fear and they’ll all have the same reply: potential employers seeing their unedited Facebook profile. One look at your tagged photo from last weekend and you’ll never get a job. Luckily, Wharton grad Jeff Weiner is at the helm of a little website that allows you to separate your perfect GPA from the fact that you attended an event that toed the punny-pornographic line.