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Student Unwilling to Code Excited to Spend Summer Working Exclusively in Excel

(02/23/18 4:22pm)

Martin Turner (C ’21) has made the decision that coding is not for him. This realization struck him when, despite working for eight hours a day one day a week, he received his second failing grade on an assignment for CIS 110. Reportedly, Turner said that he could turn the grade around "if he really wanted to," but he didn't want to miss the drop deadline and risk trashing his GPA over Java. Also, yeah, okay, he had "literally never worked harder in his life than he did for that class." Not everyone is born with the innate ability to hack.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2018/02/student-unwilling-to-code-excited-to-spend-summer-working-exclusively-in-excel

Professor Forgets to Make Students Sit One Seat Apart During Exam, Class Average Still 47%

(02/22/18 8:42am)

Physics 150 students were elated Monday to find the proctor not enforcing the official class policy that seats during exams must be staggered. “Usually there’s at least some exam A and B bullshit, but this was the real deal,” gushed Tom Clark (C ’22). “I was taking the exact same exam as the guy next to me! And this guy was super nerdy. We’re talking thick-framed glasses and color-coded notes. I knew I had a shot for a good grade this time.” 

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2018/02/professor-forgets-to-make-students-sit-one-seat-apart-during-exam

Students Brace Themselves for Biggest GPA Point Drop in History Amidst Threat of Rising Grade Deflation

(02/17/18 11:51pm)

This has been a turbulent week for students at the University of Pennsylvania, where professors are under pressure to combat the grade inflation that has been rising steadily since the ‘90s. Some professors have been quick to criticize the new policy, arguing that the old grading metrics need to be corrected for the social media and technology addictions that have brought down academic standards in schools and universities across the nation.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2018/02/students-brace-for-biggest-gpa-point-drop-in-history-amidst-threat-of-rising-grade-deflation

Your Winter Guide for Telling Past Hookups That You Have the Flu

(02/08/18 2:00pm)

Flu season is upon us, and if you’re one of the unlucky many to be stricken with the virus, chances are there’s only one concern on your mind: how will you tell all of your past partners that you have the flu? Scientists estimate that the incubation period for the virus is 1-4 days, but we recommend going back until at least that werewolf that you brought home on Halloween to be safe. It’s hazardous to the health of the entire school if there are people walking around campus unaware that they’re at risk for the flu.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2018/02/winter-guide-past-hookups-flu

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