I know that that you're way out of my league, given that you're an international sensation now, but Mike Pence's Head Fly, WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME? 

Over at Student Health Services, we know that the young mind is susceptible to poor decision making, and will likely put lust over logic. Therefore, we’ve created this document of SHS’s top tips and tricks to help navigate sexual relations during the pandemic.

While the COVID-19 test typically determines whether someone is positive or negative for the virus, Biden received a not-so-shocking additional result, that he is in fact a lame ass bitch nerd loser. 

Under the Button gathered the top scientists and most powerful microscopes in the world to help find where the fuck Spring Break went. 

“Sure, the greater Philadelphia area faces an opioid epidemic, but the real crime is my dealer trying to charge me $100 for a gram of coke.”