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Penn Dining's Meatless Mondays Are Bankrupting Sweetgreen


Penn Dining sent a thrilling email to students Friday afternoon revealing their long-awaited “Meatless Monday” lunches at dining halls. The Sweetgreen line, full of Canada Geese and Stan Smiths, instantly vanished as word of Meatless Mondays flooded students’ inboxes.

Why even consider buying a Harvest Bowl or Guacamole Greens salad when bean-based delicacies like “Green Beans with Tomato”, “Spinach and Bean”, and “Three Bean and Pasta” are at your disposal at Commons today? Why be seen outside of Frontera when you can be seen inside New College House’s picturesque dining hall? Why subject yourself to a strange scale of light, medium or heavy dressing when you can drown your salad in unpleasant, viscous ranch on your own? Sweetgreen’s unnecessary, massive new wall for online orders and mild hot sauce simply can’t compete with Penn dining halls’ revolutionary Tapingo app and wide array of gourmet condiments.

While a Sweetgreen representative failed to disclose the exact date of their closure, sources tell UTB it is "whenever the bad-pun chalkboard is gone for good." 

Dining halls were already cashless, Sweetgreen. No amount of “Beets Don’t Kale My Vibe” shirts can give you an edge over 1920 Commons.