Mackenzie Lukas


Articles

OP-ED: Let's Try Planning Fall Break For Months, Drop the Ball And Just Get a MegaBus to NYC, I Guess

Hey pals, what’s the haps? I know we’re still rotting away in the offices at the jobs our parents so graciously awarded us, but we NEED to do something fun for fall break this year. I was thinking Amalfi Coast? Maybe Dubai? I’d also be down for Sydney! It’ll be so simple to arrange a quick little weekend trip with my best friends.


5 Sex Positions For Horny Freshmen Sleeping in Kings Court Lounges

Hey, you sultry Kings Court residents. Have things been getting too steamy in your bedroom? No, literally, have you resorted to sleeping on the filthy couches and floor of your first floor lounge to escape attempting to fall asleep in a puddle of your own sweat? Knew it.


Senior Girl With $2,400 Rent to Literally Never Leave Smokes

Christie Satterfield (C ’19) doesn’t love her new apartment at The Brian. Sure, it has super cute granite countertops in the kitchen and bathrooms, the most lovely waterfall shower and multi-jet bathtub, and such a quaint planetarium off the living room. But it just doesn’t feel like home sweet home.


Uh Oh! New Pool Party Dress Code Excludes Jerseys, Crop Tops, and Privilege

The dress code states that, “under no circumstance are sports jerseys allowed in the vicinity. Please find hip, alternative ways to assert your stomach-churning masculinity. We have faith in you.


‘I’m Not Abusing This Elephant, He Loves It!’ Says Clueless Graduated Senior in Thailand

CJ Hoffman (W ’18) and fourteen of his closest Upsilon Gamma brothers wanted to treat themselves after their recent graduation. You know, since the treat of an Ivy League degree fully paid by their hardworking parents while remaining wholly financially dependent just wasn’t enough.


Junior Boy Featured in 'My Strange Addiction' Ecstatic for Hey Day

Michael Coyle (C ’19) is just like any other junior. He spent the fall sweet talking recruiters in Saxbys, the winter feeding his blossoming alcoholism in order to cope with the stress of school, and the spring enjoying the sunshine on College Green.



Penn Admissions Distributes 'It’s Been Real' Stickers to Students Also Accepted to Harvard, Princeton, or Yale

Admissions, hats off to you for the creativity and mindfulness.









OP-ED: I Didn't Ghost You, I've Just Been Wandering Around the 5th Floor of Huntsman

"Seriously, the fifth floor exists! I didn’t know either."






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