Student Claiming to Work as “Summer Analyst” is Actually Just Washing Dishes

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peapod labs / CC 2.0

Martin Wang’s entire life appears to be one big fraud. Anonymous sources tell UTB that the rising Wharton junior, who told all of his friends that he would be spending the summer working as an “analyst,” is really spending his summer washing dishes.  

Wang, who claimed to have landed a prestigious summer internship in NYC, was recently spotted in the back of the Five Guys on 42nd street, casually rinsing plates and scrubbing dirty trays. 

According to Wang’s LinkedIn account, which he diligently updated eight seconds after receiving the job offer, he was planning to spend the summer “working at a large multinational corporation in New York City.” He also threw some other fancy words in his job description like “equities,” “assets,” and “consulting” to make the job seem seem more legitimate. 

After further investigation of Wang’s job experience, we found some more shocking fraudulence. Last year, Wang claimed to be working at Bain & Co. in New York. However, it turns out that he just got paid to dress up as Bane from Batman and take pictures with people in Times Square.

When asked about his blatant dishonesty, Wang exclaimed defensively, “Hey, I’m not the only one who does this! I’m pretty sure McKinsey doesn’t even exist. And all the people who are supposedly working at Goldman are actually working at a Chuck-E-Cheese in New Jersey!” 

Upon hearing about Wang’s actions, Geoffrey Garrett, Dean of the Wharton School, decided to immediately give Wang his Wharton diploma from the Wharton School. In a public statement, he declared, “Martin has clearly mastered the art of being a Wharton student. There is nothing more that we can teach him here, and when I say here I mean the Wharton School. Which, apparently, is a part of the University of Pennsylvania.”

We wish the best for Wang as he continues his summer washing dishes and scrubbing plates. Maybe if he performs well enough, he’ll even get an offer to go back and wash more dishes after graduation.

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