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Missed Connections: September 20-27

Credit: Sam Sedor


You shuffled into our Caesar class just about a minute late. Your glasses steamed up and your upper lip shone with moisture. I wanted to pull my handkerchief out of my bag and give it you, but I'm too shy. And sweaty. Let's get physically (and emotionally) sweaty together sometime soon. 

Couch boi 

Me, a demure youth struggling to finish a statistics problem set in the early hours of Friday morning in the VP basement. You, a silly boy sprawled out under a makeshift blazer blanket, gently snoring on the couch in said basement. Can I make it anymore obvious? 

"Booty Calls" Can Lead to Unplanned Children 

Dear Young Man who commented with a Peach Emoticon on my Granddaughter's Facebook picture,

I wrote in to the school paper today to let you know that you're engaged in very questionable behaviors. The Today Show told me about these secret sex emojis, and I won't stand for it. Although Mia unfriended me on Facebook yesterday for commenting too much on her photos, I know that she'll appreciate me one day, even if it is only after I'm dead. I read on the internet that you go to Penn too, and I bet you read this unholy excuse for a publication. Your profile picture is a blurry one of you in a party setting with light streaks in the back, which leads me to further question your character. Please do not contact my family any further. 


A Concerned Grandmother (C '66)