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Wharton Junior Destroying Amy Gutmann in Game of Tag


Photo By Phil Roeder / CC 2.0, edited

“It’s not even close, to be honest,” Jeffrey Windom told us of the game. “Amy has been ‘it’ for over two years now. I’m starting to think she’s given up!”

It had all started during Jeffrey’s freshman year at Penn. When he saw Amy Gutmann for the first time on campus, she had been walking down Locust Walk with a group of administrators. Jeffrey had heard about her elusiveness on campus, but he was determined to ensure that this would not be the last time he and Gutmann interacted during his time at Penn. Thinking quickly, Jeffrey had hatched a brilliant plan - he would start a game of tag! If President Gutmann was anything like most of his Wharton classmates, she would be willing to do whatever it took to win the game. As a result, she’d have to continuously interact with him until she was able to successfully tag him back and run away.

As Jeffrey is a pretty bright guy, all of this occurred to him within the 25 seconds between when he had first spotted Amy and when she had nearly gotten to where he was standing. Despite the fact that he was wearing a suit and tie and holding a backpack full of all of his textbooks, just in case, Jeffrey’s impressive agility and spring-like reflexes allowed him to run toward her, tap her on the shoulder, yell “You’re it!” and run away before she could even react. It was a perfect execution of a perfect plan.

But now, exactly 747 days later, Amy Gutmann still has not tagged Jeffrey back. “It’s starting to get a little boring, really,” Jeffrey told us. “Every time I see someone with bright blonde hair I jump up into athletic position and get ready to run. There have been so many false alarms that I’ve almost started letting my guard down!”

Luckily, Jeffrey is keeping his head in the game. He knows that if Amy is able to tag him back, she will have no further obligation to see him on campus. He simply cannot allow that to happen, even if it means cutting out every blonde girl from his life.

We applaud you, Jeffrey. What an inspiration.