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Becky Molinoff


Articles

BREAKING: Stanford Bad School

Everyone talks about how Stanford is this really good school, but I don’t really understand it. What makes them so special? Is there something I’m missing here?


After Temporary Frogro Closure, Students Confused That “Visible Physical Evidence of Rodents” Now Considered a Problem

At first I thought that the visible physical evidence of rodents was something that should be reported, but then I realized that was silly. It’s like, would you report it if your air conditioning was working too well? Obviously not, and it’s the same thing.


Balance Wizard? A Guy Just Passed By Me At a Party Without Putting His Hand On My Lower Back

I didn’t believe it until it happened to me. I’d always assumed that there was some biological difference between men and women that made it impossible for a man to pass behind a woman without putting his hand on her lower back.


Life Hack: My Apartment Is Supposed to Be Quiet After Midnight, But I Can't Tell Time

Guess who’s laughing now? Certainly not my third grade classmates who made fun of me for my inability to tell time. 


BREAKING: Ultra Conservatives Now Advocating Fetuses’ Right to Bear Arms

 If a fetus is not permitted to bear arms, how will we be protected against tyranny? 


Breaking: Joe Biden Declares Presidential Bid, Would Be First Penn Alum to Hold Position

The monumental opportunity this provides for the school cannot be understated. Of the Ivy League schools, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Columbia all have associations with previous presidents. Biden’s candidacy represents the opportunity for Penn to join the ranks of these other Ivy League schools. 


Yikes: Britain Just Used Their Last Extension, Next Time They Lose a Letter Grade

It’s only the beginning of April, and Britain has already used all of their extensions for the semester. The next time they fail to meet a deadline, their grade will go down by a full letter grade per late day. 


Embarrassing: This Student JUST Discovered Go-Gurt

After his 503rd time running out the door to make his 9 a.m. recitation without having time to scarf down a quick yogurt, an idea came to him. What if there were a more portable yogurt?


BREAKING: My Grandma Thinks That Fellow Has Too Many Tattoos

“What does that young fellow have all over his skin? He is very good looking I must say, but what is with the schmattas all over his chest area?"


Wow! This Formal DJ Used Transitions Between Songs

Somehow, it was almost like two songs were being played at once. And granted, it didn’t sound great. The keys of the two songs didn’t quite mesh well, but goddamnit Liza was just so darned amazed that there were two songs mixed together that she couldn’t care less.


Help! My Grandma Started Using the Word Drip!

Apart from the usual things I expected from my time at home for Thanksgiving, I was not expecting the new slang that my Grandma had picked up. 


BREAKING: Local Dog Population Fucking Pissed About This NCH West Business

Construction of New College House West will begin next week, just in time to create a pleasant soundtrack of jackhammers and dynamite for students studying for finals.


Wow, This Privileged Penn Student Can’t Think of Anything to Be Thankful For

The first few students said things like "the opportunity to study at this school" (nerd) or "my metabolism" (weird flex but okay).


Freshman Shocked That Class Right Before Thanksgiving Isn’t Spent Making Hand Turkeys

Louisa Ferman (E ‘22, W ‘22) walked into OIDD 101 this Tuesday with her creative juices already flowing.


Cool, This Dude Leaned So Far Back In His Chair That He’s Basically In My Lap

Um, excuse me. Can I help you? What are you doing?


The Ten Best Erasers For When You Realize Your Whole Exam Is Wrong Five Minutes Before It’s Over

If you write very lightly, you’ll be able to smoothly erase your entire exam with just this little thing in under 15 minutes.



Freshman Unsure If She Should Stay Friends With Hall Until After Group Halloween Costume

Now that it’s October, Halloween is probably the only thing anyone is thinking about. Besides the pressure to find a costume that is both funny and slutty, there’s the importance of having a good group costume.


New Men’s Studies Major Differs From History Major By One Class

Newsflash, my dudes! Men’s rights are finally being brought to the table at Penn. After years of the powerful and exclusive Woman’s Club dominating the scene, men are rising up from the ashes to put the (M)enn back in Penn. You heard us ladies: your estrogen party is officially OVER. Say goodbye to public spaces that are dominated by women’s paraphernalia and hello to graffiti dicks on every flat surface around campus. Because at long last, the Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies major at Penn has been joined by its partner, Penn Men’s Studies (PMS).


Perfect Timing! In The Midst Of The Kavanaugh Hearing, Penn’s Task Force Makes Women Feel Safe Again

“Wow, thank goodness for that task force,” is probably something most Penn students are used to saying all the time. From recommending event observers to insinuating that reducing alcohol consumption will stop sexual assault, Penn’s task force has really gotten the job done. And now, they've done it again.


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