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I’m a Recruiter For a Large Corporation. Let’s Drink Coffee Until Our Eyes Twitch


Photo by Spencer Selover / CC0

Hi. Thanks for coming to this coffee chug. I got you two Dunkin’ Boxes of Joe. That’s a gallon of coffee, which should be enough.

Nice suit. It was smart of you to wear a suit to this. That’s what people typically wear to these.

Go ahead, drink your coffee. Isn’t it hot? Isn’t it bitter? Notice how alive it makes you feel. No other beverage can make you feel that way.

I love drinking coffee from a mug. I like the way mug feels against my lips. Ah, coffee - the little brown bean that took over the world.

Wow, I’m really getting charged up. Aren’t you? The coffee is filing me with energy. It’s dilating my capillaries and making my skin warm.

In VC culture, I’m what you call a “disruptor.” I flip the status quo on its head and challenge the industry to do better.

Oh my God. It’s getting stronger. Ride the wave, baby. Ride the wave.

Do you feel that? That little node of pressure building up inside of you, increasing exponentially in size until it feels so big you might explode? Jesus, I can’t wait for that sweet, sweet release.

I think I’m about to vertically integrate our silicon supply chain. I think I’m about to shit my pants.

Look at my eyes, bro. They’re fluttering like a monarch butterfly. It’s like I’m in REM sleep.

I can legit see myself right now. I’m floating above my body and watching this all happen. Past, present, and future are coalescing into one single instant. All of God’s creations, from the biggest blue whale to the smallest blade of grass, are singing in harmony and I am joining their chorus. I don’t just want love, I am love.

Ok, great. We’ll let you know about next steps later this week.