45 percent thinner than existing toilet paper, the new design replaces the existing single ply with the equivalent of a half ply.
The metal underbelly of his MacBook frigid against his sensitive thigh skin, Ryan Glover (C ’19) struggled to operate his laptop computer while on the toilet yesterday.
As Jocelyn Zhao (W ’21) walked to 30th Street Station to catch a train Monday afternoon, she was struck by the observation that Drexel University’s campus is “actually kinda nice.”
When Noah Levinson was asked to his current hookup’s sorority date night, he was nervous.
The fancy, decadent man you share a house with is currently brewing espresso with his expensive, highly-specialized device.
I thought it’d be fun to take one tonight. Let’s really have a night, you know? Well, you know how I get when I do stimulants.
After just a few nibbles of his food, Michael quickly felt an unsettled shift in his guts.
People are advised to avoid the scene until further notice.
Kylie Ortega was feeling drowsy as she headed home from class yesterday afternoon.
The pain of saying hello loudly enough for passersby to hear, so they can all watch you get ignored, cuts so deep that it can feel like you will never recover.
The Penn Wellness Initiative announced their plan to improve mental health on campus by lightly kissing each student on their foreheads and say “You have such a cute smile” before lifting their lips from their skin.
In front of a crowd of status-conscious, affluent witnesses, the Hydro Flask officially replaced the S’Well bottle as a completely necessary symbol of social worth.
Walking from imposing building to imposing building used to at least offer a few moments of sunshine as a salve for existential pain. Now you shiver as you trudge from one locus of punishment to another.
In a landmark study, researchers at the Penn Sleep Center have confirmed that your buddy is for sure knocked out right now.
Parents, how do they tick? We sent a veteran UTB reporter undercover as a Penn Dad to find out.
If the post is popular, there’s a good shot my dad will text me about it. He might even say something encouraging like “Nice job!” or “Cool.”
Eyewitness reports are confirming that Bert Saltalamacchia, Professor of English, took off his plaid sportcoat while delivering a feverish finale to his three hour seminar on Blake.
Wow. Good luck explaining this one, Kyle. I don’t think anybody in your house is going to trust you again for a long, long time. Kyle Goldberg (E ’18) lives in a house with six of his friends. When they moved in, Kyle insisted they set up a chore wheel and divvy up responsibilities around the house.
Get the tissues ready. This one’s a tearjerker. Mark Portman (C ’18) graduated last year. His younger friends thought they would not see Mark until homecoming. But then a miracle happened. Mark’s company asked him to represent their firm during On Campus Recruiting.
Earlier today, Amy Gutmann rolled out the new "Second Year Experience." The program, which will require all sophomores to live in on-campus University housing, ensures that every Penn student will be guaranteed two years of fearfully walking to the shower in just a bath towel.