Charlie Sosnick

Huge L: Student Flubs Every Locust Interaction on Way to Class

Charlie Sosnick , Hughes Ransom , Grace Ginsburg , Christina Piasecki and Anab Aidid
Wed, Jan 15, 2020

We're going to take Locust today. It's going to be fine.

Gaga Googoo: This Big Baby Is Drinking Pedialyte in Bed Because He Can't Stand

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick
Thursday, March 28, 2019

Penn Researchers Confirm Lonely Stoners Seem to Free Their Minds at Night

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick
Tuesday, March 26, 2019

While the test subjects are smoking both day and night, it seems that their minds are especially free at night.

Huge L: Student Flubs Every Locust Interaction on Way to Class

Charlie Sosnick , Hughes Ransom , Grace Ginsburg , Christina Piasecki and Anab Aidid Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2020Wed, Jan 15, 2020

We're going to take Locust today. It's going to be fine.

Gaga Googoo: This Big Baby Is Drinking Pedialyte in Bed Because He Can't Stand

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Thursday, March 28, 2019Thu, Mar 28, 2019

Brandon’s been in bed for so long today, you better hope the soft part of his skull didn’t get dented.

Penn Researchers Confirm Lonely Stoners Seem to Free Their Minds at Night

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Tuesday, March 26, 2019Tue, Mar 26, 2019

While the test subjects are smoking both day and night, it seems that their minds are especially free at night.

OP-ED: I Swear It Was a Deviated Septum. Dr. Blum Doesn’t Even Do Cosmetic Procedures.

OPINION | Charlie Sosnick Saturday, March 23, 2019Sat, Mar 23, 2019

Dr. Blum is a real doctor, a surgeon. He doesn’t do cosmetic procedures.

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UA Launches Fet Club, Offering 30 Days Of Kink Play For Seniors

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Monday, March 11, 2019Mon, Mar 11, 2019

Though details are still being finalized, likely events include a furries happy hour and a night at a BDSM club in Atlantic City.

Aw: This Couple Is Matching with the Same Wheezing Cough

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Wednesday, Feb. 27, 2019Wed, Feb 27, 2019

They are practically inseparable. They eat, sleep, and even bathe together!

English Major to Graduate Having Read First 10 Pages of Hundreds of Great Books

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Monday, Feb. 25, 2019Mon, Feb 25, 2019

For the rest of his life, Patrice’s degree in English will be a signal to all that he is a well-read man of letters, capable of discussing a wide range of literature in detail.

Courage Personified: This Foreign Girl Smokes All Over Penn’s Tobacco-Free Campus

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Thursday, Feb. 14, 2019Thu, Feb 14, 2019

Morozov inhales tar deep into her lungs as often as she can.

Penn Mourns Girl Swallowed By Own Humongous Scarf

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Saturday, Feb. 9, 2019Sat, Feb 9, 2019

Witnesses report that the scarf began slowly inching its way up, enveloping her neck, then face, and soon her entire head.

Fossil Fuel Divestment ‘Economically Infeasible,’ Say Trustees Sipping Petroleum From Champagne Flutes

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Wednesday, Feb. 6, 2019Wed, Feb 6, 2019

Though their comments were hard to understand due to the speakers’ gargling of crude oil, attendees were reminded that the University investment portfolio represents a diversified range of interests designed to ensure Penn’s fiscal sustainability.

Penn Struggling To Erect Building On Last Remaining Square Foot Of Grass

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Friday, Feb. 1, 2019Fri, Feb 1, 2019

When appraisers first noticed the 11 inch by 11.5 inch rectangle of grassy dirt, the University community was shocked to learn that something like that still existed.

AirPennNet Celebrates 1 Million Hours Of Pornography Streamed On Network

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2019Tue, Jan 29, 2019

Gutmann and the Board of Trustees have sought to boost erotica consumption through the Power of Porn campaign.

Penn Researchers Develop Even Thinner Toilet Paper For Campus Bathrooms

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Thursday, Dec. 13, 2018Thu, Dec 13, 2018

45 percent thinner than existing toilet paper, the new design replaces the existing single ply with the equivalent of a half ply.

Laptop Extremely Cold On Defecating Student’s Bare Thighs

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Saturday, Dec. 8, 2018Sat, Dec 8, 2018

The metal underbelly of his MacBook frigid against his sensitive thigh skin, Ryan Glover (C ’19) struggled to operate his laptop computer while on the toilet yesterday.

Student Walking To Train Station Notes Drexel ‘Actually Kinda Nice’

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Friday, Dec. 7, 2018Fri, Dec 7, 2018

As Jocelyn Zhao (W ’21) walked to 30th Street Station to catch a train Monday afternoon, she was struck by the observation that Drexel University’s campus is “actually kinda nice.”

Fashion Win! This Brave Formal Date Wore A Gray T-Shirt Instead Of A Suit

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Wednesday, Dec. 5, 2018Wed, Dec 5, 2018

When Noah Levinson was asked to his current hookup’s sorority date night, he was nervous.

Fancy Man Housemate Showing Off Nifty Little Espresso Doodad

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Tuesday, Dec. 4, 2018Tue, Dec 4, 2018

The fancy, decadent man you share a house with is currently brewing espresso with his expensive, highly-specialized device.

OP-ED: FYI, I Took Adderall For This Party So Don’t Worry If I Accidentally Create An App

OPINION | Charlie Sosnick Sunday, Dec. 2, 2018Sun, Dec 2, 2018

I thought it’d be fun to take one tonight. Let’s really have a night, you know? Well, you know how I get when I do stimulants.

Student Two Bites Into Copa Nachos Already Dreading Tomorrow’s Bowel Movement

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Saturday, Dec. 1, 2018Sat, Dec 1, 2018

After just a few nibbles of his food, Michael quickly felt an unsettled shift in his guts.

UPennAlert: Chef Rick Bayless Is Running Around Frontera Naked Slathered In Guacamole Again

NEWS | Charlie Sosnick Sunday, Nov. 25, 2018Sun, Nov 25, 2018

People are advised to avoid the scene until further notice.