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Earthshaking: Guy Who Only Talks About Being From New York Going Back to The City for Break


Photo by Milton Glaser / Public Domain

After leaving so many familiar faces back home last month, Nathaniel Simmons (W’ 21) is ready to leave the backwater city of Philadelphia in favor of greener pastures. Like the prodigal son returning home, he’s heading back to New York for break and he’s got to let everyone know about it. At every turn in his first 5 weeks on campus Nat has been sure to mention that he's from the Big Apple.

Whether it’s talking about how lame it is that everything is closed after 8pm, never stepping outside his dorm room without a pair of Timbs, or not being able to eat Allegros without projectile vomiting and talking about what how San Marzano tomatoes are the epitome of Italian culture, Simmons is a true New Yorker who’s tired of being held back by the City of Brotherly Love.

"When I first told Nat that I was from Ohio he laughed in my face and told me that he didn't think anything outside of New York and Los Angeles should be considered America, so I wasn't really shocked when he told me that he wasn't sticking around Philly for the weekend," Simmons' roommate Caleb Barnes (C' 21) told us in a statement, right before popping a bottle of champagne to celebrate the fact that Nathaniel wasn't going to be around. 

At press time Nat was seen taking the Metro-North from Grand Central to his home in Westchester.