Penn students are known for being pretty lame in the grand scheme of things, so it’s absolutely shocking to see a certified skater boi show his face on campus.

As you turned around to see which dumbass made such an inane statement, you saw Daniel with a confident smile plastered on his face. 

When asked whether it was morally responsible to assemble an entire building made out of foreign currencies, gold bars, and the Bitcoin Penn bought, Gutmann lit a Cuban cigar with the second mortgages of struggling Penn parents and told UTB that she “doesn’t speak broke.” 

Talking about going to events and never showing up is basically the norm, so I can just make up plans for the weekend and if anyone calls me on it I can just say that I got tired!

First of all, how dare you. I just don't get how you could say such a rude thing to a guy wearing such cool socks. I'm not saying that by having impeccable style I should be impervious to criticism, but, ya know, respect the fibers on my feet. Also, haven’t you noticed my eccentric short-sleeved button up? C’mon, I’m not on a beach sipping margs, why am I wearing this sweet Hawaiian shirt! That’s a pretty dope personality trait if I do say so myself.

With the rise of internet food culture, it feels like anyone armed with a Yelp account and portrait mode gets to call themselves a food expert. But for one devoted fan of Gordon Ramsay, the act of cooking is an art form. 

“Between the emails we send, the flyers that we hand out, and the skywriting we've done, we really don't know how to engage with the student body,“ an admissions spokesperson told UTB in an email.

At the start, you’re really proud of the $3.78 you’re spending on every meal, but by your fourth day of chicken breast and brown rice you’re already craving a burger from Copa.

During our interview, he was too concerned with achieving peak muscle memory to every maintain eye contact, but it was clear that the rhythmic clattering of his keyboard was doing some weird stuff to the dude.