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How Millennials Are Killing the Flu Industry


Photo by Becky Molinoff

You heard it here first: Millennials are killing the flu industry. A recent study by the University of Pennsylvania Center for Medical Research found that significantly fewer millennials are getting the flu than previous generations. While the Baby Boomers beat Generation X in flu diagnoses by a fairly large margin, this difference was blown away by the new numbers emerging from longitudinal studies at Penn. The results have revealed a decrease in flu diagnoses between Generation X and millennials of a magnitude never before seen.

“This generation grew up being told they were special and receiving participation trophies in their intramural sports leagues,” said head researcher Dr. Phil Lewis. “Maybe they finally became so conceited that they became immune to the flu, thus entirely eliminating the flu industry.”

“I guess millennials have just been too busy eating avocado toast to get the flu,” joked another researcher on the project shortly after asking her grandson for stereotypes about millennials.

Indeed, millennials have been accused of killing everything good, including napkinssex, and bigotry. But this is truly the worst one yet. Our generation should be embarrassed, nay, ashamed, by our widespread destruction of this beautiful world.