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Dastardly Professor Moves Midterm to After Drop Deadline to Fuck Students Over


Photo by Tzahy Lerner / CC 3.0

Professor Robert McElroy is nothing short of a genius. This venerated giant of Penn's Math Department graduated from high school at the age of 14, earned his PhD by age 20, and has spent the last 50 or so years coming up with brand new ways to make his students' lives a living hell.

Recently, McElroy realized that in his entire career, he had never pulled the one trick guaranteed to make any borderline math student quake: move the first midterm to be after the drop deadline.

"It's always been recommended to me throughout my time at Penn to give the first exam before the drop period ends," said McElroy. "This year, however, I wanted my students to suffer more than usual. So I decided to move the midterm from the Wednesday before fall break to the Wednesday after. In this way, I can ensure that they have no way of gauging their standing in the class until after the drop deadline."

A few of McElroy's colleagues plan to follow suit next semester, lauding his move as "bold," "innovative," and "incredibly amusing." One younger professor described it as "totally nullifying the point of having a drop period, which is awesome. Students need to fail more."

"For too long, the administration has feebly tried to interfere with the curriculum to make students' lives 'easier' and 'more manageable,'" said McElroy. "That ends now."